Hard limit crossed trust lost

[suniedazed]

I'm not sure where to begin actually....W/we were working with a Dom for the past couple of months before meeting for any scenes my Sir explained the safe word and the hard limits everything agreed to, W/we spoke in IM's and seemed to "click" met for the scenes and things were well at first....And expectations were told to me, such as when i am there i was not to use NO or any conotation of that word with Him if there was something asked of me that involved "no" not to speak, i would be asked again, if still no answer that would be taken as an unspoken "no".


Then later after Sir and i were involved with this other Dom, he started wanting the safe word dropped, that He could read the subs He works with well enough that a safe word was not needed (my Sir told Him that even if i was agreeable to dropping it He would not allow it, that it was for my protection) then it was the hard limits too that was not liked.....O/ours are, no needles (severe phobia ), intentional cutting, knife play, bathroom games, and breath games (i had a brother that physically abused me and one thing he enjoyed was choking me out....that will put me in a very bad place ) no kids, no animals.....



Then this Saturday W/we spoke on messenger before a scene, spoke 2-3 times a day to this other Dom for the last 2 months, and i used not as in "my nails are not wet any longer sir" when asked if i was typing with a pencil......speaking this way hadn't gotten me repremanded before and suddenly i was.....what had been okay was suddenly no longer correct....and that i could apologize in His punishment room But always before i was a good slut...i became very confused and upset as anyone can imagine, my Sir spoke to Him on the phone about it when i was not present and my Sir was told that the other Dom was stepping it up....but when W/we got there the Dom smoothed it over that He was in essence (very much trying to make this short!) not serious...But i was taken to the punishment building...the pain i experienced that night was very harsh indeed way beyond my limits and i am a bit of a pain slut.



W/we finally move into the house where W/we all took a break before continuing into the play room and Sirs topic turned to my throat and why my collar is worn a little loose, and why His sub could not do breath play.....The other Dom said that Hard limits were usually someone that couldn't control "mind over matter"....then less than an hour later while i was chained with my legs in the air, strapped to a table (only butt to shoulders will fit on), and arms restrained, I was being made to cum.....the other Sir wanted me to pleasure Him with my mouth i was okay because i could breath out the side of my mouth every now and then.....but suddenly my breath was cut off, i couldn't move, couldn't say my word, He was pushing where i was suctioned off and wouldn't stop it was intentional my Sir had to grab his arm and physically move him, He was alerted to the problem when i started thrashing violently without stopping it was not good!



i hate verbal repremands they hurt me as a submissive more than a physical punishment, i was confused, angry, hurt, and upset the hard limit was crossed that i was mentally hurt that way....that other things later were found to be untruths such as age (10 more than what was told) minor i know but still a lie....for two days i would not use any form of not, no, didn't etc in chat even when asked questions that had an obvious negative answer....i would just put



Then knowing i am not to speak to another Dom without my Sir present, He wanted me to go into the bedroom find the heaviest thickest belt and smack myself 10 times in the pussy while i was in a certain position as hard as i could while He listened, then i was to pick up the phone and He would discuss it...(He knew my Sir was not home)....i respectfully asked if it was a punishment and was told "no, it is a welcome to the wonderful world of BDSM for your education and my enjoyment" (when i wouldn't say no but kept putting ). After my Sir got home He read what was written in chat what i was instructed to do my Sir had me leave the room, He called the other D and ended it....i know it was necessary and my Sir has my best interest at heart i had lost trust along with the other things going on and W/we both knew there wasn't any way to gain it back. Other worrisome things were going on, but picking and choosing so as not to write a book i put down what i thought as pertent information.....

now i'm a very very very confused submissive

[Deraj2489]

The changing of rules, making something not allowed that had previously been allowed such as the example you gave. Can be part of the sadism that comes with being a Dom. Sometimes they don't point it out at first because they are, in a strange way, trying to be nice or go easy. Sometimes they just like to change up the rules without telling you. I often enjoy scenes where the sub has to learn the rules as she goes, getting punished for things she did not know where wrong. However it could also be that he was simply looking for a reason to do something to you. So he sort of made one up.

As for the pushed limits, Doms generally enjoy pushing the limits of the sub. Tho hard limits are hard limits for a reason, some people think they can find a way around it. The talking to you without your sir present may have been one of your rules but it is not practiced by all. It is possible the Dom thought he knew you well enough. It is good that you had your sir there while everything happened. I myself only play at parties or with the sir or daddy present to have someone around for safety.

I'm not sure if this helps but let me know if there is anything else I could do.

[suniedazed]

It helped very much thank you, W/we had been with this Dom for a very short amount of time (about 2 mos.) my Sir informed Him of His rules for me, safe word, and Hard limits in the beginning and he agreed to all. The breath play was a scary one for me because of the past history and asthma on top of it which the other D was told about and told by Sir exactly why it was a Hard limit, it's not severe the asthma but i do have it. By nature i'm very submissive and it's been termed that i'm a "born" one i'm not sure if that's the correct terminology or not, and i guess it really does not matter learning is involved either way. But i am learning so please pardon me if at any point i've stuck my foot in my mouth and let me know if i said something not right.



Thank you for taking the time to post and to lend your view on it, i was a little confused by the situation and why a Hard limit would be crossed over especally when it was said how badly it would be mentally/physically for me and when my Sir told him from the beginning not to cross those lines and he agreed that they wouldn't.

[Deraj2489]

Some people just want to push boundaries all the time. Don't worry about saying things wrong, everyone has their own opinion on what to call things and how to say things. It's not like there is an international officially recognized BDSM organization That would be silly.

Also the asthma is kind of important, the whole "do you have any health concerns I should know about before we start?" Question is kind of important (That was sarcasm, it's REALLY IMPORTANT!!!!)